Yesterday was tough....

First, Bishop has been trying to latch on a lot lately. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and his pacifier is gone and he is latching on through my tshirt or tank. We tried to breastfeed in the beginning but he wasn't digging it and I was stressed, so I decided to stop which was what I thought a good decision on 3 three hours sleep. Jason did some research and he is thinking I should try and relactate and go back to breastfeeding. I don't know if I am up for that. I think that trying to get him to sleep in his own bed and get on a schedule is way more important. But we'll see how it goes.

Yesterday I tried to let Bish sleep in his crib. He would sleep for about 45 min then wake up and realize he was supposed to be upset and crying. So he'd scream until I came in. I went in first at 1 min, then 3, and 5 and so on until he fell asleep again. Last night was really tough. I was determined to not pick him up and let him cry but everytime I left the room he would scream before I could sit down. It was nuts. I feel bad for letting him cry. I know he is only 4 months old and is going from being with me in bed to his own. I feel like a bad mommy for spoiling him so much.

Last night was made even harder when my husband found out one of our best friends past away yesterday. He was an amazing guy and had helped my husband through some tough times. He just turned 32 and had everything going for him. Nelson came to the hospital when I had Bishop. He was such a sweet guy. It was a tragic car accident. My husband is beside himself with grief and I struggle to find words to console him.

Better go Bish is waking up and is crying. Round two for the cry it out method.